Navigating chronic illness.

Surrender and moving forward.

When I was first diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyaligia I was in denial for couple of years about the diagnosis. I thought I could push my way through this, work hard at it and I would eventually overcome the illness. One of the things I learnt was that that way of thinking is exactly what got me there in the first place, or at least this is how I understand it.

I spent time learning about the causes of this condition and what are the triggers for flare ups. Over the period of a decade I learnt that I can surrender to this and accept that I can not control everything. I also can learn from this. Yogic philosphosy suggests we ‘allow everything to be as it is’ which is what I am meaning here as I refer to the term to surrender.

One of the most useful and compassionate things I can do is to ask my body “what do I need right now”. Asking the body what does it need from me today, particularly on the days I have little choice but to surrender, is a vast change from the more instinctive harsh inner critic that we often employ.

On the days and weeks and months that I am well and feeling strong and moving forward I can continue to learn that my brain may love the feeling of pushing hard and pushing through but body no longer does. Even though I may have been a runner and a swimmer and even have done a couple of triathalons, now my body seeks a gentler and slower pace. My body seeks the gentle stretches of a deep Yin practice more often than it seeks the adrenaline high of a run. My learning has been to listen to the whispers of the body not the loud voice of the mind.